“Spilling the tea.” “Sharing the latest news.” “Just catching up.”
Gossip has a clever way of disguising itself in today’s culture. Between endless Kermit memes and casual conversations, it’s become so normalized that we barely notice we’re doing it. I certainly didn’t – until it almost shattered my closest friendships.
In Fall 2024, I found myself caught in what seemed like harmless conversations with my closest friends. Our hangouts and texts became an endless stream of “Who did what?” and “Can you believe this happened?” I knew everything about everyone, and I shared everything I knew, including my own stories. We weren’t trying to hurt anyone – we were just talking, right?
I should have realized that if I was hearing sensitive information about others, my own stories probably weren’t safe either. Eventually, a very personal matter between my husband and me was shared with our entire friend group. We were devastated. Something deeply private had been repeated as casual conversation.
That’s when it hit me: this wasn’t just about broken trust – it was about something much deeper.
When we gossip, we’re speaking badly of God’s Creation.
Yeah, that one hit me hard, too.
I know conversations about sin and God’s will can feel heavy, especially if your relationship with church is complicated. But let’s talk about something real: the way our words affect both our relationships and our hearts.
Most of us don’t intend harm when we gossip. You might be thinking, “I only told my best friend about what I heard about x, y, and z.”
But here’s the truth: gossip, by definition, is repeating things heard in confidence.
Whether we intend harm or not, it’s still destructive – not just to our relationships, but to our connection with God.
I know, I know. This sounds dramatic. But when we gossip, we’re willfully engaging in something destructive, even without meaning to cause harm.
In fact, we’re inadvertently allying ourselves with the ultimate gossiper—the devil himself, whose mission is to separate us from God and each other.
So why do we get so caught up in hearing and sharing others’ stories? Often, it makes us feel better about ourselves, even subconsciously. We enjoy judging others because it takes the spotlight off our own struggles. At its root, gossip usually stems from two things: insecurity and unbelief.
When we’re not secure in our value to God, we’re more likely to tear others down, sometimes without even realizing it.
Sometimes this insecurity creeps in when God doesn’t answer a prayer “in time,” or when we don’t get that promotion we wanted. We might see someone else living our dream life and wonder why they seem to have “God’s favor” instead of us.
But here’s the truth: God’s favor and value for us isn’t based on feelings. Look to the cross and His Grace – that’s the true measure of His love for us.
Through God’s grace, our friend group had a heart-to-heart where we all confessed our gossip habits. We apologized to each other and committed to mutual accountability moving forward. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary.
Here’s what I learned: even though none of us had malicious intent – even my friend who shared my personal story didn’t mean harm – gossip still nearly destroyed our friendships. Intent doesn’t matter when the information isn’t yours to share. I used to say, “Well, I don’t tell people things to make myself feel better.” But I was unknowingly destroying trust and confidence. It took experiencing the pain myself to truly understand the impact.
Let me leave you with Ephesians 4:29:
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
The words we speak should build others up, never tear them down. It’s that simple – and that challenging. But understanding this truth has transformed not just my friendships, but my relationship with God. Maybe it’s time we all took a closer look at what we’re really saying when we’re “just talking.”
