A quick note before we begin: This post is going to be more direct than my usual writing. I’m not writing this to judge or condemn anyone—and I’m certainly not claiming to have this all figured out myself. I’m writing from a place of having made plenty of mistakes, having been part of the problem, and now desperately wanting us to do better.
If you’ve been hurt by Christians or turned away from faith because of negative experiences with religious people, I especially hope you’ll stay with me. Your hurt matters. I see you, and I have a specific message for you later in this post. What you experienced wasn’t the Jesus of the Bible, and I want you to know that this post is largely for you, not about you.
There’s something I can no longer stay silent about. I’ve met countless people who’ve walked away from faith entirely – not because they had issues with Jesus, but because they were wounded by the hypocrisy and judgment they experienced from Christians. It’s a story I’ve heard over and over: people drawn to Christ’s message of love but pushed away by His followers’ actions.
And honestly? I get it. The gap between how Jesus loved people and how many Christians treat others today can feel like a canyon.
Let’s be real: Many Christians today aren’t really showing Christ to the world.
I’ve seen it. I’ve lived it. I’ve been part of the problem. And I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve sometimes been that person who focused more on being “right” than on showing real love. I’m still learning, still growing, and still making mistakes.
The word “Christian” has somehow become associated with judgment, condemnation, and hypocrisy for so many people. How did we get here? How did followers of the most loving, gracious person who ever walked the earth become known for the exact opposite of what He embodied?
As Warren Wiersbe said:
Truth without love is brutality. And love without truth is hypocrisy.
We see it play out all the time – Christians pushing “truth” without an ounce of love, then wondering why it’s “poorly received.” (Surprise!) Or we swing to the other extreme, showing what we call “love” while enabling harmful behaviors. Both miss the mark of what Jesus actually called us to do.
If you’ve been hurt by someone claiming to follow Jesus, I want you to know something: That disconnection between Christ-like talk and un-Christ-like action? Jesus sees it too, and it grieves Him deeply. The judgmental attitudes that pushed you away are the very ones He consistently stood against.
The Jesus Problem That Isn’t About Jesus
Let’s get brutally honest for a moment: When people have problems with Christians, it’s rarely about Jesus himself. It’s about judgment. It’s about religion. It’s about being looked down on by people who are supposed to represent God’s love.
Every single person who’s walked away from the church has a story, and my conversations with many of these individuals point to a common thread.
They didn’t leave because of Jesus – they left because of Christians who claimed to be speaking for God while acting nothing like Him.
I recently watched a Christian publicly shame someone on social media for their lifestyle choices. They defended their actions by saying “I’m just speaking the truth!” But here’s what I wanted to ask: Would Jesus use His social media platform to publicly humiliate someone? Or would He, as Matthew 18:15-17 tells us, “Go to them in private”?
Let me be crystal clear: If your version of “speaking truth” has driven people away from Jesus rather than toward Him, you’re doing it wrong.
We will be held accountable for every soul that walked away from faith because they met the worst version of Christianity instead of Christ Himself.
Finding the Balance
Jesus’s message wasn’t just about love – it was about repentance. “Take up your cross and follow me.” But here’s what we often miss: He delivered this message with such profound love that even tax collectors and prostitutes felt safe approaching Him.
When’s the last time someone far from God felt that comfortable around you? Around me? Around our churches? If we’re honest, probably not recently.
Some of the most damaging words I’ve ever heard came with “I’m just telling you this because I love you” attached to them. If you have to announce that you’re speaking from love, chances are good you’re not actually doing it.
Grace and truth need to be in balance. Yes, Christians should love people enough to tell them the truth – even when it’s hard. But that truth must be:
- Spoken with love, not condescension
- Delivered in private when possible (following Jesus’s model in Matthew 18:15-17)
- Offered with grace and humility
- Given when asked for, not forced
And here’s the tough part: if you can’t do all four of those things, then maybe — just maybe — God isn’t actually calling you to be the “truth-teller” in that situation.
Maybe He’s calling you to be the prayer warrior, the encourager, or simply the friend who demonstrates what His love looks like without saying a word.
The Christian Checklist Syndrome
Let’s talk about another elephant in the room, what I call the “Christian Checklist.” This works in two harmful ways:
First, there’s the checklist some use to claim their own Christian identity: Go to church on Sunday (check!), put money in the offering plate (check!), say “bless you” when someone sneezes (check!), post Bible verses on social media (check!). As if following these external rituals somehow makes one a “good Christian” without any heart transformation.
Then there’s the opposing checklist some Christians use to judge whether someone is “really” saved or living right: Don’t drink, don’t swear, don’t listen to that music, don’t watch those movies, don’t hang out with those people. Check, check, check.
The problem? This checklist approach completely misses Jesus’s point. He reserved His harshest words not for the sinners, but for the religious leaders who had all the right behaviors while their hearts were far from God.
I’ve absolutely been guilty of this myself. There have been times when I’ve silently judged others based on my own arbitrary standards of what makes a “good Christian.”
It’s so much easier to point fingers at “unrighteousness” than to confront our own self-righteousness. It’s more comfortable to judge others’ obvious sins than to deal with our own subtle ones.
And here’s something that might be hard to hear: Your perfect church attendance, your Bible verse Instagram posts, and your “modest” clothing choices mean absolutely nothing if you’re treating people like projects instead of people made in God’s image. Your witness is compromised if you love your version of “truth” more than you love the actual humans Jesus died for.
“But you don’t understand,” I hear some saying, “I’m just trying to help them avoid sin!” I understand that intention better than you might think.
But let me ask this gently: When was the last time someone shamed, judged, or lectured you into genuine life change? When was the last time someone’s condemnation led to your transformation?
A Better Way Forward
So what does it look like to truly represent Christ in today’s world? I don’t have all the answers, but my journey has shown me some important truths:
- Lead with Love: Before speaking “truth,” establish genuine care and relationship. People don’t care what you know until they know that you care. And if you can’t name their hopes, dreams, and struggles, you probably haven’t earned the right to speak hard truth into their lives.
- Show Don’t Tell: Instead of pushing people to change, show God’s nonjudging kindness. Be bold in your faith but not pushy with others. Let your light shine naturally – people will ask about it when they’re ready. Romans 2:4 reminds us that it’s God’s kindness that leads to repentance, not His judgment.
- Remember Grace: Every single one of us is in process. None of us has arrived. The ground at the foot of the cross is level. The same grace that saved you is available to everyone else. And thank God for that, because none of us deserves it. I’m constantly reminding myself of this when I feel that urge to judge others.
- Check Your Motivation: Before you “speak truth” to someone, honestly ask yourself: Am I doing this because I genuinely care about this person’s relationship with God? Or am I doing it because their choices make me uncomfortable? Because I want to be right? Because I need to feel superior? I’ve had to confront these questions in my own heart many times, and the answers haven’t always been pretty.
For Those Hurt by Christians
If you’re reading this and you’ve been wounded by someone claiming to represent Jesus – I’m so deeply sorry. What you experienced wasn’t the real Jesus. It wasn’t Christianity as He designed it. The judgment, condemnation, and holier-than-thou attitudes that pushed you away are exactly what Jesus spoke against most harshly.
In Matthew 23:13, Jesus said to the religious leaders: “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You shut the door of the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces.”
That’s exactly what happens when Christians misrepresent Christ – they shut doors that Jesus died to open. If that’s your story, please know that your hurt matters. Your experience is valid. And the Jesus you’ve been shown isn’t the Jesus of the Bible.
I know a blog post doesn’t undo the hurt you’ve experienced. Words of apology from someone who wasn’t directly involved can only go so far. But I hope you might consider giving Jesus Himself another look, even if you never step foot in a church again.
The Jesus of the Bible is radically different from what many of His followers have shown you.
A Personal Challenge
I want to challenge every Christian reading this (myself included): Before you speak “truth” to someone, ask yourself:
- Am I speaking from love or judgment?
- Have I earned the right to speak into their life?
- Would Jesus handle this situation the way I’m about to handle it?
- Will this draw them closer to Jesus or push them further away?
These are questions I’m still learning to ask myself. I don’t always get it right, but I’m committed to growing.
If discipleship means “becoming more like Jesus,” then we need to take a hard look at whether our words and actions are creating disciples of Christ or disciples of our own religious preferences.
The Light We’re Called to Be
You know what’s amazing? When we actually reflect Jesus – when we balance truth and love, when we lead with grace while standing firm in truth – people are drawn to that. They might not agree with everything we believe, but they can’t deny the authentic love they experience.
That’s what being “the light of the world” looks like. Not a harsh spotlight that makes people want to hide, but a warm glow that makes them wonder what’s different about us.
Remember: Jesus didn’t call us to win arguments. He called us to make disciples.
And that happens through relationships, not regulations. Through love, not legalism. Through grace-filled truth, not truth-filled grievance.
The world doesn’t need more religious people. It needs more Jesus people. And there’s a world of difference between the two.
Let’s be Christians who actually look like Christ. I’m still working on it myself, every single day. We’re in this journey together.
Have you ever been pushed away from faith by someone claiming to represent it? Or have you found yourself becoming the kind of Christian that might push others away? I’d love to have an honest conversation in the comments below. This is a safe space to share your experiences, whether you’re currently a person of faith or not. Feel free to message or email if you’re wanting a more private conversation.
