One day I looked up and realized I’d built my own prison. The walls were made of others’ expectations, the bars forged from my desperate need for approval. I had been people-pleasing to the point of rejecting myself and my ideals, censoring my every word and action through the lens of others’ opinions. Every decision, every social media post, every conversation was carefully filtered to make everyone else happy. The irony?
In trying to please everyone, I’d become my own jailer.
I had become so imprisoned by the need to please others that I had lost all sense of who I was and what I actually believed. Looking back now, I can see how gradually the walls went up – this slow surrender of authentic faith for constant performance. But at the time, I just felt trapped.
The People-Pleasing Trap
It starts innocently enough. We want to be kind, to avoid conflict, to make others happy.
But before we know it, we’re caught in an exhausting cycle of seeking approval, censoring ourselves, and compromising our values – building our own prison cell one “yes” at a time, all while telling ourselves we’re just being “nice.”
The world reinforces these bars. Social media has created endless new ways to seek validation, with every like and comment becoming another chain. We’re told to “live life on our own terms,” but somehow those terms always seem to align with what others expect of us.
The Spiritual Cost
I was seeking the approval of people instead of God – it took me far too long to admit that to myself. Scripture tells us clearly that no one can serve two masters (Matthew 6:24). We either live to please Christ, or we live to please others – and that path leads us straight into a prison of our own making.
When we silence our faith and hide our truth because we’re afraid of offending others, we’re not just compromising our purpose – we’re locking ourselves away from who God created us to be.
As Galatians 1:10 asks, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?”
The Key to Freedom
These prison walls are built on two foundational fears:
– Fear of rejection
– Fear of failure
These fears drive us to:
– Compromise our values for acceptance
– Enable behaviors we know aren’t right
– Stay silent when we should speak up
– Lose ourselves trying to be who others want us to be
Breaking Free
Here’s the truth: We don’t need to do anything to earn God’s love – it’s steadfast and true, no matter what. When we truly embrace this, the prison walls begin to crumble.
Here’s an even harder but more liberating truth:
The people of this world will never love you the way you crave to be loved.
Why? Because we were created to be complete in Christ alone. No amount of human approval can fill the space that was designed for God’s love.
Keys to Liberation
Breaking free from the people-pleasing prison doesn’t mean becoming unkind or inconsiderate. We can please others with Spirit-filled love without rebuilding those walls of bondage. Here’s how:
1. Check Your Motivation
– Would you serve others if no one would ever know?
– Is your desire to please people about leading them to Jesus, or about being seen as their savior?
– Are you seeking to glorify God or gain glory for yourself?
2. Build New Boundaries
– Put God first in situations, even if it means saying no
– Focus on seeking the Kingdom of God rather than being a “friend of the world”
– Remember that following Christ means some people won’t understand
3. Live in Freedom
– Give no unnecessary offense, but don’t compromise truth
– Let any offense be with the truth itself, not with your delivery of it
– Remember that true freedom leads others to Jesus
Freedom Redefined
True freedom isn’t about gaining everyone’s approval – it’s about what brings glory to God.
Too often, we look to our prison of people-pleasing to define our worth instead of looking to the light of Christ.
When we finally understand this, we stop measuring our worth by others’ reactions and start measuring it by our faithfulness to God’s calling. We find the courage to be who God created us to be, even if that means some people won’t understand our transformation.
Walking in Freedom
The journey from people-pleasing prison to freedom in Christ isn’t easy. There will be moments when you’re tempted to rebuild those walls, when standing firm in your newfound freedom costs you relationships, when choosing God’s approval over others’ feels lonely.
But when we choose to please God above all else, something amazing happens.
The old chains fall away. The fear of rejection loses its power.
We find ourselves becoming who we were always meant to be – not because we’re trying to please everyone, but because we’re finally living in the freedom of God’s approval.
Remember: You were created to be complete in Christ alone. Not in others’ approval. Not in social media likes. Not in being everyone’s favorite person. Just in Him.
And that’s what true freedom feels like.
What has your journey to freedom from people-pleasing looked like? What walls are you still working to break down? I’d love to hear your story in the comments below.
