I’m writing this with shaking hands and tears in my eyes. I voted for Trump, and right now that makes me feel sick because this is not what I voted for. But I’m writing this post anyway because my allegiance to Jesus supersedes my political preferences.
I saw the video of Alex Pretti getting killed before the narratives formed, before statements were made.
And what I witnessed on video is incompatible with “Thou shalt not murder”.
I’m terrified of how this will be received. I’m scared of being labeled a traitor or “fake Christian.” The easier path is staying silent or neutral, and that’s usually the path I take. But I’ve already stayed silent too long.
I’m writing this anyway because someone with my voting record needs to say this. I’ve watched Christians default to “love everyone” and “let’s just pray” when something uncomfortable happens—I’ve done it myself.
But this time, I can’t. Not because others should speak, but because I must.
Because I’d rather lose followers than lose my integrity.
The Simple Theology
Exodus 20:13 says, “Thou shalt not murder.” That’s it. No asterisks, no fine print. This isn’t complex theology. It’s not a “both sides” debate. This is a foundational biblical truth.
No political party gets a pass on the Ten Commandments.
I’ve wrestled with “what if I’m wrong?” “What if he was a bad person or did something horrible?” But even then.
He didn’t deserve to die.
No one deserves to die.
Even if someone has done terrible things, even if someone has a criminal record, even if someone made bad choices…
We don’t get to play God.
Execution isn’t justice. It’s vengeance.
And vengeance belongs to the Lord. “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord” (Romans 12:19). We are not the judge, jury, and executioner. Justice and vengeance are not interchangeable or the same thing. God doesn’t give us the authority to decide who lives and dies.
And this is a basic biblical truth we all claim to believe.
So, why are Christians staying silent?
The Discernment Journey
My husband was the one who showed me the first video Saturday morning around 10 am. I watched it multiple times from multiple angles before any narratives were formed. I deliberately avoided reading any takes until after I drew my own conclusions from what I saw with my own eyes.
And what I saw with my own eyes was murder.
Since then, I’ve seen so many statements and conflicting narratives about what happened that make me question my entire reality. Did I see what I thought I did? I watched the videos again, confused. Where is he brandishing a weapon? Where does it show him approaching agents with the intent to massacre them?
So, I looked inward. I prayed. And I realized this is conviction, not political anxiety.
I don’t want this to be true. I wanted to believe that Alex had done something to “deserve” it. It would be SO much easier if the agents’ account was accurate. But what I saw with my own eyes contradicts what I’m being told.
So, let me get back to what I know is true, regardless of any narrative.
It’s Okay to Disagree with “Our Side”
It’s easy to fall into the tribal loyalty trap. When did we make politics our identities? Why do we defend “our team” even when they’re wrong? And why do we attack anyone who questions “our side”?
This isn’t Christianity. This is idolatry.
Jesus doesn’t fit in our political boxes. He challenged EVERYONE’S comfortable assumptions and reserved His harshest words for religious people who prioritized the tribe over truth.
We can’t claim to follow Jesus while defending wrongdoing.
We can vote for someone AND critique them. We can support a party AND oppose specific actions. We can be conservative AND have moral consistency. We can believe in border security AND oppose extrajudicial killing.
Despite what the world tries to tell us, these are not mutually exclusive positions.
Disagreeing with your political party isn’t betrayal. It’s integrity.
The “Love Everyone” Neutrality Problem
There’s a pattern I’m noticing in Christian spaces right now: when something uncomfortable happens, we default to “let’s just love everyone” or “I’m not going to weigh in.”
I’ve done this myself. It feels safe. It feels spiritual. It avoids conflict.
But sometimes neutrality isn’t wisdom—it’s avoidance. Sometimes “I’m not going to weigh in” means “I don’t want to risk anything.”
Proverbs 31:8-9 tells us to “speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves.” That doesn’t mean we must post about every issue. But it does mean we should ask: when God calls us to speak, will we?
For me, in this situation, the answer has to be yes. Because this isn’t really about politics—it’s about something much more fundamental.
This isn’t a “both sides” issue. This isn’t about liberals versus conservatives or pro-immigration vs anti-immigration.
This is: Do the Ten Commandments apply to everyone or not?
Do Christians care more about truth or tribal loyalty?
Will we defend murder if our political team is the one who does it?
Love without truth isn’t biblical love, it’s enabling. Real love speaks the hard, uncomfortable truths we don’t want to hear. Real love doesn’t defend wrongdoing for political comfort.
Real love chooses integrity over popularity.
And that’s what I’m trying to do here—choose integrity even when it’s terrifying. Even when it costs me.
Trusting Your Own Discernment
The Pressure to Override What You Know
After I saw the official statements about Alex Pretti’s death, I was so confused. I had to go back and rewatch some of the videos to try and see where he brandished his gun.
Were we watching different videos?
Because what I saw with my own eyes is not what the official statements describe.
I know what I saw, but I felt so much pressure to just stay “loyal” to my usual conservative beliefs and not make waves with my family. I felt social pressure to “not be divisive”. I thought, “I’m a Christian, lean conservative, so I should stick to the narrative of other people like me.” But I know what I saw. And it disputed what I was told to believe as a Christian conservative.
We have eyes. We have a conscience. We have the Holy Spirit.
Holy Spirit Conviction vs Political Anxiety
I was sitting in my son’s room, rocking him to sleep, replaying everything in my mind. I was praying, asking God if I was crazy. If I was seeing things that weren’t there. If I was letting my emotions override reality.
And then I felt goosebumps on the back of my neck, the way I always do when the Holy Spirit is speaking. Conviction dropped into my soul like a stone.
I knew what God wanted me to do. He wanted me to write about this.
Not because I have all the answers. Not because I’m brave. But because staying silent would cost me something I can’t afford to lose: my integrity before Him.
You Don’t Need Permission
You don’t need anyone telling you to believe your own eyes or not. You’re allowed to trust your own conscience and speak when God calls you to speak. It’s okay to disagree with people you may have voted for.
Your discernment is valid. Your conviction matters.
Just make sure what you’re feeling is conviction from the Spirit, not just political pressure. Because there’s a difference, and you’ll know it when you feel it.
The Cost of Speaking vs Silence
If you know me, you know me speaking up about a political issue like this is VERY unlike me. I’m the one to keep the peace and swallow my own opinions down. I’m the one who’s scared of people disagreeing with me and will immediately roll over and say “Oh, maybe you’re right” if I’m challenged. I’m the one who will obsessively read all the articles and gather my own information before deciding to be “neutral” on something. I’m a recovering people-pleaser, and this is the opposite of people-pleasing.
Speaking out has a cost. For me, speaking out about this could cost me followers. It could cost me family approval. Comfort and safety. Being labeled “divisive”.
But for me, silence would cost more.
My silence would cost my integrity before God. Credibility with my children. It would be one more example of Christians choosing politics over Jesus—and I refuse to be that example.
And for me, neutrality would cost the most.
If I stayed silent, it would legitimize injustice. It would invalidate what happened. It would show the world that Christians have no moral backbone when it’s politically inconvenient. It would create more church hurt—and I can’t contribute to that.
I keep asking myself: How can I say I believe in the Ten Commandments and then justify a man’s murder?
How can I claim to follow Jesus while defending wrongdoing because “my side” did it?
I can’t.
The Call
To Fellow Conservatives
I know this is uncomfortable. I’m uncomfortable too. But our loyalty to Jesus must exceed our political loyalty.
It’s okay to say: “I usually support this administration BUT this is wrong.”
Moral consistency is NOT betrayal.
To Those Staying Silent and Neutral
I understand the fear. I really do. I’m terrified of how this will be received.
I’m not saying you must speak. I’m not saying everyone needs to post about this. God calls each of us to different things at different times.
But if you’re feeling that same pull—that same conviction—and the only thing stopping you is fear?
You’re not alone. And maybe, just maybe, your voice is needed too.
What I’m Asking
Trust your own discernment. Don’t let political loyalty override moral clarity. Speak if you feel called, even if your voice shakes. Choose Jesus over the tribe.
And if you do speak up, know you’re not alone. There are others of us who are choosing integrity over comfort, truth over tribe. We might be quiet right now, but we’re here.
Where I Stand
This is a test of Christian integrity. Will we speak truth to power when it’s OUR power? Will we hold our own side accountable? Or will we prove the cynics right?
Following Jesus sometimes means standing alone. Conviction usually costs something, but it’s worth it. Integrity matters more than approval.
The Ten Commandments don’t change depending on which political party you’re with. Murder is wrong, period. Vengeance isn’t ours, but the Lord’s. And I won’t pretend otherwise to keep my tribe comfortable.
I know I’ll lose some of you, but I have to be okay with that. I know some might call me divisive or a fake Christian, and I have to accept that.
Because I answer to Jesus. Not my party, not my follower count.
And when I stand before Him one day, He won’t ask me how many followers I had—He’ll ask me if I spoke truth when it mattered.
Jesus doesn’t do “both sides” when it comes to the Ten Commandments.
And neither can I.
you are not alone. Many of us saw this tradegy play out. Adrenaline will cause us to see and do things we would not normally do. It is not an excuse for taking a life, there is no excuse and there is no way to justify Pretti’s death. But as Christians, we can show a little mercy. Put yourself in the agents place for a moment. Someone yelled “GUN”. We see an agent getting away from the scuffle with the gun. He’s no longer armed but the others may not know this. Suddenly, it is life or death for them. First thought is to nuetralize the threat and they fire. A man lies on the street bleeding out. After the threat is over, what do these two shooters think. I can’t imagine the shock to their system the thought of killing a man might have been. They need to be held accountable for their actions, I agree. But they will have to live the rest of their lives with the knowledge of what they did to end a life. Using the word murder for what they did may be a bit too strong. Homicide in a moment of intense danger probably fits more accurately. I would like to see those who put them on the field held accountable for negligence in their training. A well-trained, seasoned agent would not have pulled a trigger until he actually saw the gun pointed at him. Panic has no place in the mind of agengs carrying guns. We must hold the administration accountable for putting agents in the field without fully vettin and training them. Thankyou for having the courage to speak out. We need more Christians doing so. I am a retired pastor with 56 years experience. One thought for you to consider, as a Christian, beware of the Christian Nationalism ideology. If you look into it carefully you will discover it is using the name of our Lord for something totally out of character with the life example of Jesus and his teaching. Remember Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world.” God wants a nation filled with Christians, not a christian nation.
Thank you for this thoughtful perspective. You’re absolutely right that the agents are human, that adrenaline played a role, and that they’ll carry this weight. I don’t want to demonize them as people. We can hold them accountable AND show them grace at the same time, just as Jesus would.
You’re also right that the real accountability needs to be systemic – the training failures, the vetting, the leadership that put unprepared agents in these situations.
I wrestled with the word “murder” and I hear your point about “homicide in intense danger”. Here’s where I landed: Even if they panicked, even if someone yelled “gun,” Alex was already disarmed and on the ground when they fired 10 shots. That’s not neutralizing a threat – that’s taking a life that didn’t need to be taken. If we look to the video of Alex a couple weeks prior, we can see agents using non-lethal methods to neutralize a threat. I only wish the same methods had been taken, and everyone could’ve emerged alive and untouched by trauma.
I think we can extend grace to the agents as human beings AND hold them accountable for an unlawful killing. Both can be true.
Thank you for the warning about Christian Nationalism – I’m with you there. My allegiance is to Jesus, not any earthly kingdom.
Grateful for your pastoral wisdom. 🙏