“You are enough.”
“Love yourself.”
“Speak your truth.”
Our culture embraces being true to ourselves and showcasing self-love. Self-love in and of itself is a good thing. Self-love can be a healthy recognition of worth and confidence. We can celebrate ourselves as God’s priceless creations and praise Him for his masterpieces.
But what happens when we slide down the slippery slope of self-love and end up replacing God with ourselves? Instead of “I have worth”, we fall into “I don’t need anyone.”
Culture sells self-sufficiency as empowerment. It tells us we’re enough just as we are, and in one sense, that’s true. You ARE valuable, created in God’s image. But if we were truly sufficient on our own, why would we need Jesus? Why would we need a Savior at all?
Culture also tells us to accept everyone (which sounds loving), while teaching that any standard is judgment (which gets messy). Christians struggle to respond; we’re either too harsh or too enabling.
There’s a version of self-love that leads TO God. But the version our culture is selling? It’s replacing Him. And the shift happens so gradually, most people don’t notice until they’re far gone. The distance between healthy self-love and self-worship is shorter than you think. And if we don’t understand the slope, we end up either crushing people or enabling sin. Neither honors God.
What Enabling Actually Is
Enabling is defined as actions that shield someone from consequences of destructive behavior, allowing them to continue unchanged. The key question here is “Is my action helping them grow or helping them stay stuck?”
The story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32 tells us about a father with two sons; one son takes his inheritance and runs away. He ends up wasting it all and comes crawling back to his father in shame. But instead of rebuking him, the father celebrates his son’s homecoming. The father didn’t chase his son or bail him out—he let consequences happen. But when his son returned, the father welcomed him back with immense grace. The goal here was restoration, not punishment.
How “Love Yourself” Culture Leads Away from God
When Self-Love Starts Off as Good
At its best, self-love means that we recognize we’re made in God’s image. It means we don’t tolerate abuse and that we set appropriate, firm boundaries. We engage in basic self-care and self-compassion, especially when we fail. Matthew 22:39 says, “Love your neighbor as yourself” which implies healthy self-regard. This is typically where the slope begins—healthy, biblical, good.
The Current Cultural Message (The Slippery Slope)
Culture’s message sounds empowering, and that’s why it’s so persuasive. “You are enough,” they say. You don’t need to change for anyone. You don’t need validation from others. Just love yourself first, be true to yourself, and speak your truth.
On the surface, this feels like freedom. It sounds like healing from toxic expectations, like finally putting yourself first after years of debilitating people-pleasing. It promises that you can finally stop performing, stop trying to earn love, stop measuring yourself against impossible standards.
And yes, there is truth buried in there. You DON’T need to earn God’s love. You SHOULDN’T tolerate abuse of any kind. You ARE valuable. The message starts with something biblical, something good.
But suddenly, it shifts. Somewhere in the translation, “you are enough” becomes “you don’t need anyone, even God.” “Love yourself” becomes “make yourself the center of everything.” “Your truth” becomes “there is no objective truth.” The empowerment message slowly morphs into a self-sufficiency gospel, each step feeling justified and building on itself.
And this is where it goes off the rails. Biblically, we’re called to first love God, love others, then follow with healthy self-views (Matthew 22:37-39). But culture flips the order—”Love yourself first”—which makes US the center, not God. The gospel has never been “you’re fine as you are.” The gospel is “you’re loved as you are, AND Jesus is inviting you into transformation.”
Worth and need aren’t opposites. You can be valuable AND still need Jesus.
But culture isn’t able to hold that tension. So it picks one side: you’re enough. And in doing so, it can accidentally make you your own god.
Why You Can Be Valuable AND Need God
Here’s the key distinction we need to understand: worth and sufficiency aren’t the same thing. We DO have worth. Our worth is God-given and inherent. It can’t be earned or lost, no matter what we do. We are valuable, and we don’t need to earn God’s love. His love is free to all who seek it.
Then there’s sufficiency. We are designed to need God, not because we’re broken, but because we’re human. Self-sufficiency, or doing everything on our own, is not the goal.
The problem here is that culture takes worth and twists it into sufficiency. We have worth—we’re made in God’s image. But culture adds that because we have worth, we don’t need anyone, including God. Value gets confused with independence. And suddenly, needing God feels like weakness.
John 15:5 says, “…for apart from Me you can do nothing.” We were created to need God. We weren’t designed to be fully self-sufficient.
When “Self-Love” Becomes Enabling Sin
Self-love isn’t inherently bad. We should celebrate the creation God has made in us. We should practice healthy self-views and acknowledge our worth. The shift happens when the self becomes center instead of God. When our feelings start to override objective truth, we begin viewing accountability as an attack, conviction as shame, and growth as a betrayal of self. Our desires are the ultimate authority, no matter what Scripture says.
This version of self-love crosses the line when used as an excuse to never pursue holiness. It rejects all accountability as “not accepting myself”. Instead of obedience, comfort becomes the priority. Feeling conviction morphs into toxic shame. We don’t call out sin for what it is, instead saying it’s just “self-expression” or “my truth”.
We twist self-love into permission slips to excuse our shortcomings. “God made me this way,” we insist, justifying our sins and ignoring our gifts. We say we’re just “being true” to ourselves when what we want contradicts Scripture. We call self-indulgence “self-care” and claim we’re honoring ourselves while simultaneously dishonoring God. We cry out, “Don’t shame me!” when faced with conviction.
We blanket our stagnant comfort with self-love and think it’s justified.
5 Signs Self-Love Has Become Self-Worship
Here’s what this actually looks like in everyday life:
1. Rejecting All Accountability
This might start out as a healthy boundary. Maybe you’ve finally decided to be done with those toxic people trying to influence your life. “I don’t need toxic people in my life,” you declare. This is a very healthy step and it should be celebrated. The problem starts when “I don’t need toxic people” morphs into “anyone who questions me is toxic.” Iron sharpens iron, and gentle correction coming from a place of love isn’t toxic. With this twisted mindset, you could end up isolated, and no one can speak into your life.
Proverbs 12:15 says, “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”
2. Conviction = Shame
This starts as “I won’t accept toxic shame and condemnation from church.” But soon it can change into “All conviction feels like shame.” Shame and conviction are different in that conviction should feel like a righteous “spotlight from heaven”. It should empower you to make a change but never make you feel shameful or embarrassed. If all conviction starts to feel like shame, the Holy Spirit can’t work in us because we’ve labeled all conviction as “toxic”.
John 16:8 says, “And when [the Holy Spirit] comes, he will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment.”
3. “God Made Me This Way”
Celebrating the miraculous creation that we are is healthy. God created each of us, our personalities, gifts, in the very image of Him. We are encouraged to acknowledge His handiwork in us. But we shouldn’t use “God made me” to justify our every move. We can’t defend every desire and behavior we have as “how God made me.”
Ephesians 4:22-24 tells us to “put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.”
We are called to be transformed through Christ.
4. Self-Care to Self-Indulgence
We should 100% take care of ourselves. The body is a temple after all. Engaging in self-care might look different to different people, but at its core is about taking care of our mental, physical, and emotional health. But when “self-care” becomes an excuse for avoiding responsibility, we end up choosing comfort over obedience in everything. Yes, the body is a temple, but we must also “discipline your body and keep it under control” (1 Corinthians 9:27).
5. “Living My Truth”
Our personal experiences are valid. What we’ve each gone through is valid and valuable. Our experiences do matter, but they don’t determine truth for us. “Living my truth” can start healthy, as a way to validate what might’ve been difficult or even traumatic experiences. But when we start basing capital T Truth on our personal experiences, we become our own gods with our basis of truths. When in fact, there is one Truth: Jesus is THE way, THE truth, and THE life (John 14:6).
The key question in all these scenarios is this: Is your self-love leading you TO God or REPLACING God?
When Universal Acceptance Becomes Enabling
Culture demands that we accept everyone, every lifestyle, every choice—or we’re labeled as hateful, bigoted, and intolerant.
Christians are, in fact, called to love everyone (no exceptions). But, and this is the key, Christians are not called to affirm all behavior. The acceptance of a person does not equal acceptance of all actions.
But with this are two equally as damaging extremes that we must avoid.
Extreme 1: Weaponized “Tolerance”
This is where any disagreement equals hate. Where any moral standard equals bigotry. Where any truth-telling equals intolerance. No behavior can be questioned, and our boundaries lead to others’ oppression. This extreme hides under cultural “tolerance” and silences anyone who might disagree. It uses tolerance as a weapon to shut down those who may not affirm everyone. Culture pushes us to affirm everything, even if it conflicts with our convictions. We’re still labeled as hateful or discriminatory for respecting our own personal moral code.
And the other extreme is just as toxic.
Extreme 2: Weaponized “Truth”
This extreme is harsh judgment disguised as “Biblical truth”. It uses “love the sinner, hate the sin” as an excuse for cruelty. Those who don’t meet the impossible standards are cut off. This extreme is more concerned with being right than being loving, and it turns people into “projects” that need fixing. This is where the holier-than-thou attitude comes into full swing and looks down on anyone who doesn’t agree with their “truth”. It uses out-of-context verses to try and justify toxic behavior and mistreatment of others.
Let me clarify: THIS IS NOT CHRISTIANITY.
What Jesus Actually Did (The Both/And)
Now, this is what Christianity is supposed to be. Jesus ate with tax collectors and sinners, yes. He had a relationship with each person and accepted them as friends. But He did not affirm their sin. “Go and sin no more,” He told them. He created proximity without participation. He loved without compromising Truth. Transformation happened through the relationship, not before it. Jesus didn’t insult people and back it up with Biblical truth. And He also didn’t blanket statement tolerance for those living in clear sin. He brought Truth with gentleness and love AFTER forming a relationship with them.
So how do we actually live this out? How do we avoid both extremes and follow Jesus’s example? Here’s where Christians often get it wrong—and what we should do instead.
Christian Accountability Standards (And How Not To Force Them Onto Nonbelievers)
The problem we frequently see here is Christians trying to enforce biblical standards on people who don’t follow the Bible. It makes sense; we see people sliding down the slope, and we want to help correct them. But if someone doesn’t follow or believe the Bible, we can’t use it as a basis of behavior. So, how do we go about this?
What NOT to Do:
Don’t Hold Non-Believers to Christian Standards
Non-believers haven’t submitted to Jesus yet. They may get there at some point but until they do, we can’t expect Christian behavior without Christian faith. That’s like expecting fruit from a tree that hasn’t even been planted. Yelling “REPENT!” at people who don’t know Jesus isn’t only ineffective, but could put someone off from Christianity altogether.
Don’t Be Condescending
This condescending tone is one of the biggest reasons people struggle with Christianity. It’s easy to get on our high horse when we have the Truth. But acting superior and making people feel stupid doesn’t reflect Jesus. We’re called to speak life into others, not to judge or condemn. Jesus always spoke with love AND truth. He never spoke down to people or made them feel less than.
Don’t Use Lazy Evangelism
This is like just posting John 3:16 and walking away or yelling at people on social media with which you have no relationship with. Lazy evangelism is drive-by judgment without a relationship. We need to invest in a relationship with someone before evangelizing. And when we do, it must be with love and respect. Truth without love is like clanging a cymbal in someone’s face, and it could have the opposite effect we’re wanting.
Why Does This Matter?
This isn’t about shaming non-believers—it’s about understanding how transformation actually works. When we approach people with judgment instead of love, we drive them straight into the arms of self-sufficiency culture. They dig in deeper and say, “See? Christians are toxic.” And honestly, they wouldn’t be wrong. Transformation comes after salvation, not before.
Put yourself in their shoes. Imagine you’re going about your life when someone approaches you—a Christian you’ve never met. They start telling you to stop going out on weekends, start going to church, and change your music choices. You’ve never met this person in your life, and here they are lecturing you about your lifestyle.
It’s no wonder people think Christians are judgmental if this is the experience they’ve had. Instead of leading them to Jesus, we push them further down the slope. So, they seek shelter in the thing culture says will make them feel better: self-love. They would’ve been better off if no one said anything.
But we can’t just be complacent and say, “Well, they’re not a Christian, so oh well!”
So where’s the balance?
How to Respond with Gentle Accountability
The Both/And Approach
This is what Jesus did. We can love people where they are AND tell them the Truth. We can accept the person AND not affirm the self-sufficiency theory. We can show grace AND point toward growth. We can stay in the relationship AND be honest. Ephesians 4:15 tells us to speak the truth in LOVE.
For Non-Believers
This can look like building a genuine relationship first. We can live our faith out authentically and answer questions when asked. We can love them without requiring that they agree with us. But we need to be careful not to enable the lie that they don’t need Jesus. But we also can’t demand Christian behavior first.
This could be as simple as, “You don’t have to agree with me to be loved by me.” We can shine the light of Jesus by our actions. We can’t force someone to seek a relationship with Him.
We’re responsible for planting the seed. God is the one who nurtures and grows it.
For Christians
Here is where it’s different because fellow Christians HAVE submitted to Jesus. Therefore, they are held to the Christian standard. But in correction, we still need to be loving and respectful. Accountability is appropriate and loving. Sometimes it’s hard to hear, but when spoken with love, despite the initial defensiveness, it can lead to real growth and transformation.
Most “accountability” fails when it comes from a place of superiority, not humility. If someone uses public shaming instead of private conversation for the initial correction, this is against biblical standards. Matthew 18:15 says to “go and point out their fault, just between the two of you.” We have to be careful to stay focused on restoration instead of just being right. And we can’t have a “hit-and-run” correction without a relationship, even among fellow believers.
Matthew 18 goes on to list specific steps of correction. Firstly, we must go to someone in private, not blast them on social media. If the person doesn’t listen, we’re called to bring in witnesses if needed, just a couple. Church discipline is used as a LAST resort. The goal is always restoration, never just punishment.
Galatians 6:1 urges us to “[consider] yourself, lest you too be tempted.” We need to check our own hearts first and make sure we’re approaching with humility.
How to Do It Without Crushing
Before the conversation:
- Pray for them AND yourself
- Check your motives—is this coming from love or superiority? Restoration or being right?
- Have you built enough trust to have this conversation?
- Ask yourself: “Am I the right person to speak into this?”
During the conversation:
- Start with worth: “I love you, you’re valuable, you matter”
- Add truth: “I see this pattern that concerns me”
- Offer support: “How can I help?”
- Commit long-term: “I’m in this with you”
- Avoid absolute language (you always, you never)
- Ask questions, don’t just lecture
- Listen to their perspective
After the conversation:
- DO NOT gossip about it—especially if it’s private or sensitive
- Keep praying for them
- Give them space to process
- Follow up with grace
Why Does This Work Better?
Instead of a random callout, we have a relationship foundation to build upon. The trust is already there. If the accountability is reciprocated, meaning we’ve been corrected too, there’s a mutual vulnerability there. We’ve been willing to receive corrections ourselves. But this process will not work without genuine love, humility, patience for the process, grace for the setbacks, and follow through.
Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
As long as we exhibit love without enabling, truth without crushing, and grace without excusing sin, we can rest assured we’ve adopted the correct heart posture during the correction.
Navigate the Slope
In our divisive culture, it’s hard to maintain the “both/and” mindset. But we are allowed to love unconditionally AND have boundaries. We can show grace AND speak Truth. We can accept people AND not affirm all behaviors. We can support people AND not enable them. We can hold Christians accountable AND show grace to non-Christians. We can recognize our worth in Christ AND our need for Him. And we can stay in a relationship AND disagree. Both and.
We’re allowed to acknowledge our value while knowing we need God. Self-love is good, but self-worship can be deadly. Worth and need coexist beautifully. The question is: which direction is your self-love taking you?
Self-love that leads to God should be celebrated. But self-love that replaces God? That’s the slippery slope.
Remember to have grace for yourself. This is messy, complicated work, and we won’t get it perfect. But God’s grace covers OUR mistakes in this too. We can carry on learning, growing, and loving as best as we can.
We learned from the best.
