This month we’ve covered a number of common mental illnesses and ideas. But what about those who may not necessarily be experiencing mental health issues themselves, but are wanting to offer support? Support is a key to healing for those with mental struggles, so in this post, I want to talk directly to those who want to support but maybe don’t know how.
The Sacred Art of Simply Showing Up
There’s something deeply sacred about being invited into someone’s suffering. When someone trusts you enough to share their struggle, they’re offering you a glimpse into their most vulnerable moments. This is holy ground.
I’ve been thinking lately about the difference between hospitality and entertaining after reading Habits of the Household by Justin Whitmel Earley. Entertaining is about impressing people—having the perfect house, the right food, everything polished and presentable. But hospitality? Hospitality is literally just opening the door and inviting someone into your mess.
That’s exactly what the ministry of presence looks like.
It’s not about having the right words or perfect wisdom. It’s not about creating the ideal environment or being the most qualified helper. It’s simply opening the door of your heart and saying, “Come in. Sit with me. You don’t have to be okay here.”
If they want to talk, ask “Do you want me to listen or advise?” A lot of the time, we just need people to hear us speak our thoughts aloud. We need to rant and let off steam. We don’t always want answers or advice; sometimes we just need to tell another living being what we’re experiencing.
Your presence alone communicates value without requiring improvement.
Beyond Fixing: The Courage to Simply Be
Being present without trying to fix someone takes incredible courage. It goes against every instinct we have.
But let me be clear about something important: being present without trying to fix DOES NOT mean enabling harmful behavior or pretending everything is fine when it’s not.
There’s a difference between sitting with someone in their pain and sitting with someone in their dysfunction.
Presence means showing up for the person, not for their unhealthy patterns. It means you can love them deeply while still maintaining boundaries about what behaviors you’ll accept in your relationship.
The courage I’m talking about is the courage to sit in the messiness without rushing to make it neat and tidy. It’s the willingness to be uncomfortable while someone works through their own process. It’s resisting the urge to say “Have you tried…” or “What you should do is…” when someone is sharing their heart with you.
Unless they explicitly ask for your thoughts, keep these to yourself. Stow them away for later if your loved one is in a better headspace to receive advice and opinions.
When Presence Becomes Pressure
Sometimes our well-intentioned presence can actually create more stress. I’ve learned to watch for signs when my attempts to help were becoming overwhelming instead of supportive.
Maybe I was checking in too frequently, to the point where they felt like they had to manage my anxiety about their situation. Or I was taking their emotions so personally that they started hiding their struggles to protect my feelings. Sometimes I got frustrated when they didn’t take my advice, forgetting that they didn’t actually ask for it in the first place.
The hardest lesson? When I made my own emotional well-being dependent on their progress, I stopped being helpful and started being another burden.
Remember: You’re not their savior—you’re their companion on the journey toward healing.
Practical Ways to Show Up
Ministry of presence doesn’t mean sitting passively while someone suffers indefinitely. Here are some ways to be present with purpose:
Start by asking “Do you want me to listen or advise?” before jumping into solution mode. Most of the time, people just need to be heard. Create consistent touchpoints like regular coffee dates or weekly walks that provide stability without feeling like appointments they have to keep.
Offer practical support in specific ways: “I’m going to the store—can I grab anything for you?” or “Want company while you tackle that task you’ve been avoiding?” These feel less overwhelming than vague offers like “Let me know if you need anything.”
When you notice they’ve been struggling for an extended period, gently encourage professional help: “I’ve noticed you’ve been really struggling lately. Have you considered talking to someone who specializes in this?”
And celebrate small steps forward without pressuring for more—sometimes just getting out of bed deserves recognition.
When More Than Presence Is Needed
There are times when loving support requires action beyond presence. Learning to recognize these moments can literally save a life.
Watch for warning signs like direct statements about wanting to die or hurt themselves, giving away prized possessions, or increasing isolation from everyone. Dramatic mood changes or sudden calmness after deep despair can actually signal danger, as can the inability to meet basic needs like eating or sleeping for extended periods.
When you notice these signs, gently guide them toward professional help using collaborative language: “I’ve noticed you’ve been really struggling lately. What would feel most helpful right now—talking to a counselor, calling your doctor, or maybe reaching out to a helpline together?”
Sometimes love means overriding someone’s autonomy when their safety is at immediate risk.
If someone is actively suicidal, calling for help isn’t betraying their trust—it’s saving their life.
Building Support Beyond Yourself
Here’s something I wish I’d learned earlier: one-person support systems can become overwhelming for everyone involved.
Not because the supporter isn’t dedicated enough, but because it places enormous pressure on both people. When we’re the only support someone has, it’s easy to feel responsible for their entire well-being—which isn’t sustainable and isn’t healthy for either person.
Sometimes you might be the primary person in someone’s life right now, and that’s okay. But even in those situations, look for small ways to expand their circle of connection:
Help your loved one identify any existing relationships, even distant ones. Who are people they’ve felt safe with in the past? Sometimes people struggling with mental health lose sight of their support network and need gentle reminders of who has shown up before.
Encourage connections with professional support—therapists, counselors, or support groups can provide specialized help that complements your caring presence. Look for mental health allies in your community or church—people who understand that mental health struggles aren’t spiritual failures.
Even small expansions matter. Maybe it’s reconnecting with one old friend, joining an online support community, or finding a local group that shares their interests.
We’re called to bear one another’s burdens together. Sometimes that community starts small, but it can grow.
Caring for the Caregiver
Compassion fatigue is real and valid. If you’re supporting someone through mental health struggles, your emotions matter too. But how can you set firm boundaries without feeling like you’re abandoning your loved one?
Remember that setting boundaries isn’t abandonment—it’s wisdom. You can love someone deeply while still protecting your own well-being. Be honest about your capacity: “I want to support you, but I’m not equipped to handle crisis situations. Let’s work together to find professional resources for those moments.”
Set sustainable boundaries around your availability and stick to them. You might say, “I’m here to talk from 7-9 PM on weekdays, but during other times I might not respond immediately.” Limit practical help to what you can maintain long-term without resentment.
Remember to process your own emotions about your loved one’s struggle. There are support groups for caregivers where you can find respite and community. Most importantly, redefine success as faithful presence rather than healing outcomes—you can’t control their recovery, but you can control your consistency and care.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do is model healthy self-care.
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
The Sacred Privilege
When I think about the people who’ve walked with me through my darkest seasons, what I remember isn’t their advice or their attempts to fix me. I remember their presence. I remember them cheering me on toward wellness. I remember feeling seen, known, and loved exactly as I was—mess and all.
I think about how God walks with us through our darkest valleys. He doesn’t always remove the valley, but He promises never to leave us in it alone. When we show up consistently for others in their darkness, we become living examples of that divine faithfulness.
Providing this kind of presence changes both people involved. We discover reserves of compassion we didn’t know we had. We learn to sit with discomfort, to find peace in not having all the answers, and to trust that our simple presence can be a healing force.
Sometimes being present for someone else’s healing journey helps with our own. There’s something powerful about stepping outside our own struggles to witness God’s faithfulness in someone else’s life.
The same God who promises to never leave or forsake us calls us to never leave or forsake each other.
Your Next Step
As we wrap up this Mental Health Awareness Month series, I want to challenge you with something practical: identify one person in your life who might benefit from your ministry of presence.
Maybe it’s someone who’s been on your heart lately. Maybe it’s someone you know is going through a difficult season. Maybe it’s someone who always asks how you’re doing but never seems to talk about themselves.
Reach out this week—not with solutions or advice, but simply with your presence. Send a text that says, “I’ve been thinking about you. Want to grab coffee this week?” Or “I’m going to the grocery store later—can I pick anything up for you?”
Small gestures of presence can create ripples of healing that extend far beyond what we can see.
Remember, presence creates the foundation for all other healing. Professional therapy, medication, spiritual practices, and community support all work better when built on a bedrock of consistent, loving presence. You may not be able to cure someone’s depression or eliminate their anxiety, but you can ensure they never walk through it alone.
And sometimes, that makes all the difference.
Your presence matters. Their life matters. And the God who walks with us through every valley is faithful to walk with them too.
If you or someone you love is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline for immediate support, available 24/7.
