We were sitting in church last weekend (yay, we finally found a church!) when our pastor brought up contracts versus covenants. He said that somewhere along the way, we started treating relationships like transactions.
“If you disappoint me, I’m out. If this gets hard, I’ll find something easier.”
We live in a throwaway culture. If something breaks, we don’t fix it—we replace it. Fast fashion, next-day delivery, dollar store finds. Nothing is built to last because nothing needs to last.
And somewhere along the way, we started applying that same logic to people.
The job gets demanding? Browse LinkedIn. The friendship requires too much? Stop responding. The church challenges our comfort? Find one that won’t. The relationship stops serving us? Walk away. Even our faith when it gets confusing? Abandon it for easier theology.
“I’m out” has become our default response to difficulty. Not just with broken toasters, but with broken trust. Not just with old clothes, but with old friends.
Everything has become disposable. Even people. Even commitments. Even the hard, sacred work of staying.
But what does the Bible actually say about love, commitment, and staying power? And what are we losing when we treat relationships like cheap Amazon purchases: easy to acquire, easier to throw away?
The “I’m Out” Mentality
Contract thinking is simple: “If you do X, I’ll do Y. If you don’t, I’m not obligated to stay.”
It’s conditional. Transactional. Exit-focused.
The Bible actually gives us a perfect example in Genesis 29-31: Laban and Jacob. Their relationship was a constant renegotiation. Every agreement included an escape clause, a backup plan, protection for when things inevitably went sideways. There was no trust—just self-protective bargaining.
And that’s what contract thinking does to relationships. We keep score. We hold back. We never let ourselves be fully known because we’re already planning our exit strategy.
The cost is we never go deep. We never experience the transformation that comes from weathering hard seasons together. We’re stuck in a cycle of surface-level connections and constant starting over.
It’s important to note: This isn’t about staying in abuse or tolerating harm. Some relationships need to end for your safety and wellbeing.
This is about our cultural default of bailing at the first sign of normal difficulty. The hard conversation. The season of disconnect. The disagreement that requires humility.
We’ve lost the muscle memory for working through hard things.
What Contract Thinking Costs Us
Here’s what contract thinking looks like in real life:
Your friend hurts your feelings, and instead of having the hard conversation, you just quietly distance. Stop liking their posts. Stop responding as quickly. Eventually, you’re just…not friends anymore. No closure. No repair. Just disposal.
Your church teaches something that makes you feel convicted and uncomfortable, and instead of wrestling with it or engaging in dialogue, you start church-shopping. Find one that won’t challenge you. Comfort over community.
Your job gets stressful, and instead of addressing the issues or developing new skills, you start browsing LinkedIn. Convince yourself the next place will be different. And it might not, because you’re bringing the same patterns with you.
Even with God. Prayers go unanswered, faith gets confusing, and instead of staying in the tension, we walk away. Find easier theology. Abandon the hard questions.
We become experts at leaving. Amateurs at staying.
Biblical Love: Patient, Kind, and Persevering
God’s love for us is the model of biblical love. His love for us isn’t based on our performance or how “good” we are. Romans 8:38-39 tells us that nothing can separate us from God’s love. 2 Timothy 2:13 says, “If we are faithless, He remains faithful.” Even though we will never measure up, God loves us anyway.
We’re called to exhibit this same biblical love and patience to those around us. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 tells us that love is patient and kind, that it “always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” Colossians 3:12-14 tells us to have compassionate hearts and patience. We are to forgive each other and “put on love” (Colossians 3:14).
Love means we don’t run away when things get hard. Galatians 6:2 tells us to “bear one another’s burdens”. This doesn’t mean we let ourselves get walked all over; we offer support and stand by those going through hardships. We commit to resolve our disagreements.
Ruth and Naomi’s friendship displays incredible loyal love. “Where you go I will go…your people shall be my people” (Ruth 1:16-17). Ruth chose Naomi as her family and showed extraordinary loyalty to her.
But this doesn’t mean we sacrifice ourselves for a relationship that’s one-sided. Romans 12:18 says, “if possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all”. Notice it says “if possible”; sometimes it’s not. “As far as it depends on you” shows us we can’t do it alone. Both sides have to commit to sticking with the relationship.
Some relationships aren’t healthy to maintain and that’s okay.
Practicing Commitment in a Disposable World
So, what does this look like in real life?
In Friendships: We can have the hard conversation instead of ghosting and letting the friendship fade away. Even when it’s inconvenient, we can show up anyway. We can extend forgiveness when there’s genuine repentance and a desire to repair. And we can throw our scoreboards away. Commitment doesn’t keep score.
In the Church: This looks like staying even when you disagree on secondary issues—worship style, programming decisions, personality conflicts. We can commit to imperfect people and recognize no church is perfect. If we get uncomfortable because we’re being challenged to grow, we can choose to stay instead of church-shopping at the first sign of conviction.
But if a church is teaching false gospel, enabling abuse, or spiritually harmful? That’s different. Discernment matters.
In our Calling and Work: For me, this looks like showing up to write every week even when I’m exhausted, and the words don’t want to flow. Persevering through ARMR’s slow-growth seasons instead of quitting when success isn’t immediate.
(This isn’t to say you should stay in exploitative jobs or toxic work environments—those might need to end. This is about choosing not to bail on your calling or job the moment it gets hard.)
In our Faith: Even though we may doubt sometimes, we can stay in conversation with God. Even when our prayers aren’t answered how we wanted, we can continue to trust God. And we won’t abandon our faith when it gets confusing or difficult to hear.
The Invitation to Stay
We need staying power. Not because it’s easy, but because transformation happens in the staying. Deep, powerful relationships require time and weathering storms. God modeled this for us.
And yes, discernment matters. If your discernment is going off, don’t doubt it. Don’t feel obligated to stay in a situation your discernment tells you to leave. And yes, some relationships need to end. Staying power doesn’t mean we stay in unsafe, abusive, and/or toxic relationships. We need to be able to recognize when these relationships are doing more harm than good. Because boundaries are biblical. AND we’ve swung too far toward disposability.
We need discernment to know what’s worth fighting for and what’s worth leaving.
So, this week I invite you to ask yourself: where do I need to practice patience instead of bailing? What friendship needs a hard conversation instead of ghosting them? What community needs your imperfect presence? What calling needs your perseverance?
Jesus tells us in John 13:34-35 to “love one another as I have loved you.”
Biblical love is countercultural.
And it’s what transforms us.
